


A Man of Action

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Pining John Sheppard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-25 23:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Sheppard is a man of action. Except when he isn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Man of Action

**Author's Note:**

> Written for McSheplets prompt #95 "about time".

When Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed, John and Rodney explained the change to Ronon and Teyla as they headed out the gate in the puddlejumper.

"So gays can now have sex again?" Ronon asked.

"They could before," Rodney said. "They just had to lie about it. And not just sex. And not just gays. Bisexuals too."

John's eyes widened a bit, but he kept his eyes on the planet they were approaching and didn't say anything.

"I didn't know you were bisexual," Ronon said, and John quite possibly stopped breathing in that moment.

"Well, it's not like you can read it on the forehead," Rodney said.

Jesus. He didn't deny it. John nearly broke off the steering handle of the puddlejumper before forcing himself to relax—and to breathe.

"I've never seen you with a guy," Ronon said.

"And how often have you seen me with women? Look, it's not as if Atlantis makes it easy to find one-night-stands. There's always the potential for awkwardness, and trying to hit on a woman is bad enough. I don't need to add the danger of being beaten up by some homophobic idiot," Rodney said, immediately continuing with, "And no, I can't tell. My gaydar is completely non-existent." He sighed loudly.

That had been two months ago. It's been five months since Rodney and Keller broke up. It's been approximately forever since John admitted to himself that he had a thing for McKay, and it took him maybe three years to realize that it wasn't just going to go away some day.

John knows this is the right time.

There's absolutely no excuse. They're both single. They're both not straight. And John can't even pretend that he has to keep hiding his feelings to save their friendship. Even if Rodney doesn't feel the same, he wouldn't hold it against John. There are fraternization rules, but a) that hasn't stopped John from having sex with guys before and b) a re-assignment of either Rodney or himself to a different team would solve that issue.

It's now or never, and John knows it. He knows that this is the chance to have what he's given up on after his failed marriage. He knows that there's little risk, with a potentially huge reward. He knows that it would be _stupid_ not to finally act.

But still, whenever he tells himself he'll go to Rodney now and kiss him—not talk to him; he's not even asking that much of himself—he's paralyzed with fear.

He can't even say of what. It's not rational, and it's getting embarrassing. But he can't help it.

He needs some kind of strategy. Some set-up that will leave him and Rodney alone and which will have no possible escape route for John. He's actively considering asking Ronon for help on this, which is ridiculous because he is a grown man and should be able to something as simple as—

"Sheppard?" Rodney comes in without knocking. "I thought we could discuss— Is everything all right?"

John blanches, opening his mouth to deflect and say he's fine, but then nothing comes out.

"You've been weird lately. I mean weirder than usual," Rodney says.

God, he's _noticed_. John feels his heart-rate picking up. He can't go on like this. He needs to finally get it over and done with. For better or worse. He gets up from his desk and walks around it in long strides until he stands in front of Rodney.

Rodney looks at him, eyes narrowing, and John wants to lift his arms and pull him into a kiss, but it's as if his own body doesn't belong to him anymore. His arms refuse to obey, so he just stands there in front of Rodney, too close for a casual talk, too far to lean in and kiss him.

"Oh, god," John says, covering his face with his hands. And great, for _that_ , his arms still work.

"John, what's going on?" Rodney asks, obviously worried now.

John lowers his hands just enough to look at Rodney. Then he drops them again and says, "Nothing?"

Rodney stares at him.

"What did you want to discuss?" John asks, because if he's utterly unable to just _do_ this, he can at least go back to acting like Rodney's friend and team leader.

"Discuss?" Rodney asks. "I want to discuss what is wrong with you! If this were the first time, fine, everyone can have an episode once in a while, but this has been going on for weeks now. You come in and start to say something and then walk out again or say something that you obviously hadn't meant to say."

"Not say," John corrects him.

"What?" Rodney asks, confused.

"It's not _saying_ something, it's _doing_ something," John says, not sure why he's able to admit that.

"What on Earth would you want to do to me that you can't—" Rodney stops himself, his eyes becoming huge. "The...the..." he starts. "And you didn't say a word! I was sitting right next to you admitting that my gaydar is absolute worth shit, and you didn't even look at me!" His arms are flailing madly.

"I..." John doesn't know what to say. He'd been too thrown back then to even fully grasp what Rodney had said, let alone to act on it.

"You moron," Rodney shouts at him. Then he puts his hands on John's shoulders and pushes until John's legs hit the desk. Before John can even hiss in pain, Rodney has pulled him into a vicious kiss.

Jesus. Even in John's most straight-forward go-in-and-kiss-the-hell-out-of-Rodney plans-slash-fantasies it hadn't been like this. Rodney hits him up the back of his head. Right, he hasn't started kissing back yet. John decides to remedy that immediately.

He opens his mouth for Rodney and pulls him between his legs, enfolding him in a vice-like grip.

The kiss is everything that John has dreamed about. Actually, it's better than that. It's knee-weakening. John's not kidding. After a moment he has to pull one arm away to prop himself up on the desk out of fear to just slide to the ground.

Rodney pulls back, frowning, but looking just as dazed as John feels. He puts John's hand back around him and continues to kiss him, making John forget everything except that he has Rodney in his arms.

John's not sure how long it is, but eventually their kisses become slower, softer, until they pull away just enough to open their eyes and see each other.

Neither of them speaks for a long time.

"That was what I wanted to do," John says eventually.

"Then why didn't you? I mean what's the worst that could have happened? That I turn you down?" Rodney asks.

"I don't know," John says truthfully. "I just couldn't..."

"Well, you can be glad that I'm so perceptive," Rodney says, a bit grouchy.

John snorts, then he has to laugh. Year after year after year... His laugh threatens to turn just a hint hysterical, and he takes a deep breath. Rodney is glaring at him. "Sorry," John says.

Rodney sighs and rolls his eyes. "I still can't believe you didn't say something when I outed myself. I mean how hard could it have been to at least give me a _look_ as a hint that you understood what I was saying."

"Harder than you can imagine," John says quietly, a bit surprised by his own honesty.

"I have a _very_ good imagination," Rodney tells him, lifting his chin. Then his expression turns softer. "In fact, I've imagined"—his gaze drops to John's lips for a moment—"a lot over the years."

Years? John feels his knees weakening again and not in a good way. He can't... No, maybe Rodney meant in general and not specifically him. And even if...it's too late to turn back time. And it doesn't matter. They're here and finally on the same page. Time to focus on what's ahead of them. "Care to share some of your fantasies?" he asks, licking his lips.

"I was hoping more along the lines of putting them into action," Rodney says, pressing closer.

John nods. "Good idea. I'm a man of action."

Most of the time.


End file.
